Doctor, Doctor

Doctor: Tell me a little bit about yourself

Patient: My name is Mr. Patient. Not because I have an overabundance of the capacity to wait, but because I am your patient and the author of this blog didn’t feel like coming up with a creative fake name.

Doctor: Why are you here?

Patient: Well that is a question that humankind has been contemplating for eons and I am frankly surprised you would expect me to have the answer.

Doctor: No, dummy, why are you visiting with me today?

Patient: Oh. That certainly seems like something more reasonable to ask.

Doctor: Well?

Patient: I’m glad you asked. Something has been bothering me lately. It hit me during the prime time Olympic coverage on NBC.

Doctor: I know what you mean. I’ve had a lot of patients bothered by the tape-delayed coverage, even on weekends, and the endless fluff pieces. That 20-minute segment on the 1992 Dream Team really pushed a lot of folks to the brink.

Patient: No, no, no. That wasn’t it. It was the all the sitcom promos.

Doctor: Oh. My. God.  Tell me about it. The New Normal looks really terrible.  Plus they showed it so much it made me really sick of that fun. song they used.

Patient: Oy.  Would you please let me finish?  That wasn’t the promo I was talking about.  It was the one for that Matthew Perry show, Go On.

Doctor: I know what you mean.  It is kind of sad that he can’t seem to find the same level of success he had on Friends. He was the best one don’t you think?  Really though, they were all great.

Patient: I don’t really care about Chanandler Bong or his career.  I am just upset that there will be yet another show where therapy is a primary component.  I hate watching therapy sessions.  Other than movies starring a horse, therapy is my least favorite trope in entertainment.

Doctor: Is it really that pervasive?

Patient: Right off the top of my head with no help from Google I can think of Go On, In Treatment, Web Therapy, Dr. Katz, and the Bob Newhart Show.  And those are just the shows about therapy.  There are countless examples of shows that feature a therapy component.  This week’s episode of The Newsroom had one and Dr. Melfi was of course a prime component of The Sopranos. So much so that not only did we see her sessions with Tony, we also had to watch Dr. Melfi’s sessions with her therapist.

Doctor: Why do you hate therapists?

Patient: I am beginning to hate you, but I don’t hate therapists.  Some of my best friends are therapists.  The can be very helpful.  I just don’t want to watch them on TV.

Doctor: Yes, it can be pretty boring.

Patient: Now you’re catching on. When I am watching TV I need some shit to be happening on the screen. I’m already sitting on a couch doing nothing. If I wanted to see someone else sitting on a couch I would just turn my head slightly to the left and look at my wife.  I usually try to avoid that though, because I can see the combination of disgust and sadness in her eyes when she returns my gaze.   But seriously, if I wanted to see two people sitting around having a conversation I would watch my DVD of My Dinner with Andre, the most talked about art house hit of 1981.

Doctor: I see your point.  Tell me more.

Patient: It is also often a sign of lazy writing.  Can’t figure out an entertaining way to have a character express her feelings?  Have her tell the therapist.  It is exposition for dummies.  At least in Inception, Christopher Nolan had the decency to have Ellen Page do all the dirty work instead of putting Leo in a therapy session.  It also lets the lazy writer put stand-up material into the script.  Have a funny joke that doesn’t fit in? Wedge it in a therapy session. It is the screenwriter’s equivalent to just putting funny YouTube clips in a blog instead of coming with something original. That’s gold, Jerry!

Doctor: Your opinion has merit, but sometimes a therapy session is a legitimate means of advancing the plot or fleshing out a character, don’t you agree?

Patient: I suppose you’re right.  They aren’t always bad.  I just wish writers wouldn’t revert to it as an easy way to fill up pages.

Doctor: I couldn’t agree more.