With the holidays upon us, we have entered the most exciting and depressing time for football fans. Between bowl games and NFL playoffs, there is a veritable smörgåsbord of pigskin. Of course that also means that the season is almost over and soon all we have left is
Many of these games will feature a first down measurement with the outcome having crucial impact on the game result.
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| These guys look like they know what they are doing © BrokenSphere / Wikimedia Commons |
I will start by acknowledging that there is probably a need for some sort of so-called 'definitive' method for the demarcation and allocation of first downs. There is no need for a bunch of expert yahoos to come crawling out of the woodwork pointing this out. And yes, I did just end the previous sentence with a preposition. Deal with it.
Now that we have put that behind us, let us move on to the salient point: having some overweight 53 year old jock sniffers lumber onto the field with a chain that serves as the arbiter of renewed downs is as ridiculous and spurious as the "theory" of "evolution."
The entire process is built on guesswork and supposition. When a first down is gained, this chain-wielding gang simply eyeballs where the new ten yards begins. It's not like they run out onto the field to precisely place the beginning of this short-term goal. But then when a team may have achieved nirvana in miniature, we are supposed to believe that this aluminum pole and links of alloy provide the same scientific measurement as provided by the Large Hadron Collider? "We would have won, but we were a Higgs boson short of that crucial first down!"
Not to mention that the whole spotting of the ball is done almost exclusively by men (sexism, anyone?) who are making judgments from odd angles and distances. Frequently this occurs with hundreds of pounds of finely chiseled and sweat-glistened young man flesh between eyeball and football, further distracting and impeding proper placement.
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| Who can concentrate with this going on? |
Is there a better solution? I am no Alvin Einstein, but i have seen the future, and it is here. Have you watched tennis in the last 10 years? Likely not, but as a connoisseur of all things sporting, I have. When there is controversy as to whether their felt covered projectile has landed inbounds, the have a computerized system provided and/or sponsored by IBM that indicates the legality of the shot. I can vouch for its integrity as they air a cartoon ball that leaves a shadow either inside, outside, or on the line. Unimpeachable evidence if you think about. I highly recommend you do.
Why are we still using the chain? I suspect it may have something to do with the secretive but powerful chain lobby, the referee's union, or third party (possibly Communist) interests. We need to push the, aside for the greater freedom of Man and get some technology in place. Is doesn't have to be an animated tennis ball, but that yellow line is certainly as accurate as some links of metal. The probably use plastic these days, amiright?
I realize that this type of gadgetry is anathema to true football fans. There is nothing more thrilling than the anticipation of that pole being placed on the ground, then lifted and re-placed because there was a tangle in the chain. At that singular moment in time just before the rubber thingee on the pole's tip touches the turf you know that it will determine the fate of not only the current play, but of all plays to come.
Some may argue that the chains are part of the "human element" of the game. The human element is all well and good, but shouldn't that be limited to those competing? When a player makes a great play or a bonehead one? When a coach outwits or nitwits his way to victory or defeat? That is the human element that we crave and enjoy.
Having a blown call impact the game is not the human element fans and players want. I've never participated in or viewed a competition where I left thinking, "oh man, the referee screw-ups really enhanced my enjoyment of the contest."
Break the chains!
